Should Have Learned by Now
by Weeping-willows18
Summary: A collection of one-shots centered in the last of the sistren. "Becca blinked back tears. She should have learned by now that nothing ever goes the way she intends."
1. Cold

**COLD**

**Summary: **

**Pies and Prejudice gets busy when the temperature outside drops in synch with the snowflakes. So does Becca's mind. **

Becca's trembling breath materalized into grey-white clouds in the frosty air wrapping around her. It was late fall in New England, one no less bitter than the ones that had plagued Concord every year. Their first snowstorm had hit a few days ago, and any icey fluff that hadn't been depleted by salt had collected into murky drifts on the side of the road. The sun hid behind a dreay blanket of cumulonimbus condensation. She inhaled, letting the cold settle in her lungs and spread to her extremities. Becca liked this weather. She liked the way it put everything in slow motion.

Luke-warm slush devoured her booted feet as she arrived at the entrance to Pies and Prejudce. She winced slightly as the bell on the handle ran cheerily when she hauled open the door. Wordlessly, she wove between tables of eldery women enjoying a coffee and packs of teenagers downing pastries and hot chocolates to the counter.

"Good morning, Becca." Gigi greeted her employee as she passed swiftly with a tray of turnovers.

Becca hummed lazily in response, reluctantly donning her P&P apron. The waitress leaned on the smooth granite and rested her head in her palm. It was a slow morning.

Must have been the cold.

She watched the passers-by as they sailed by the storefront window, trying to escape the biting temperatures, wrapped up in coats and hats and gloves and scarves. Women with strollers and men with briefcases hastily stepped in and out of her view, probably since they all had somewhere to be.

Becca knew the briefcase people must have been businessmen and store their important documents in there. She knew because her father told her one day when she was small enough to sit on his knee. Mr. Chadwick used to think she would make a good entrepeuner. Becca knew better.

She knew the strollers must be holding infants or children under "walking age." She knew because her mother told her one day when she was still small enough to want to know. Mrs. Chadwick used to think she would make a good mom. And Becca knew better.

She didn't want to be someone's charge. She didn't want to be someone's wife. She didn't want to give anyone enough of her strings that they could cut a single one and watch her fall limp like a vacant marionette.

Snow was beginning to fall again. Becca smiled at the memory of an old story her grandmother used to tell her, about swans lived in the clouds and every flake was a feather. It was one of those stories that the mere recollection of could make you feel like a little kid again. Like, maybe, if she could convince herself to believe it, she would forget she ever thought any differently.

The bell rang again.

Zach Norton poked his head in the door and briefly nodded at Becca. His cheeks were red and his blond hair was touseled carelessly. He was stopping in before going to Cassidy's hockey team's game, which he helped out with. Becca knew because he told her when she was still whole enough to be able to listen. She used to think it was because he just really liked hockey.

Cassidy trailed behind him, saying something to him about a game that had been played the night before. Zach smiled fondly at her and gave her his jacket. Becca used to think he was just really nice and gave anyone his jacket if the weather was brisk. Now she knows better.

"Hi, Becca." He says in a painfully indifferent tone when he arrived at the counter. He didn't grin back at her when she flashed him a heart-winning, queen-bee, room-lighting, radiant Becca smile. It must have been the cold, she thought.

But she knew it probably wasn't.

"Hey, Bec." Cassidy stares at her sneakers.

They order one of the really good extra-flakey croissant with chocolate drizzle on the top, on the double, Becca. They were on a schedule.

She pivoted and retrieved a fresh croissant from the kitchen with as much chocolate as she could manage and gave it to the couple because it was one of those days when she didn't want anyone to feel like she did. She wanted her sadness to be her own little invincible bubble that was perfectly easy to see right into but impossible to step into. But Becca still smiled.

Zach Norton still didn't return it. He did not comment on how nicely drizzled the chocolate was, he did not crack a joke about something that had happened at school a few days ago, and he did not laugh along with Becca and then ask her what she was doing that weekend. She was pretending she didn't notice.

Most of the time, she was done with Zach. She didn't think about him very often, not when he wasn't right in front of her. Her feeble heart no longer ached every time she heard a love song on the radio. She was beginning to imagine herself with other people and it didn't hurt. Not at all.

Most of the time.

But when he was _right there, _looking at her with those eyes of his, he could stretch and pull her like taffy. It was frustrating. Very much so.

All of her friends had gotten over their middle school crushes, well, in middle school. To their knowledge, Becca had, too. She had neglected to divuldge to them the parts of her heart that still knew how to love belonged to the untouchable Zach Norton. Becuase, no matter how many times she tried to erase the "fab-five" sides of herself with book club meetings and days hard at work at a quaint little tea shop, it just wasn't that simple. Nothing ever was. Not for Rebecca Chadwick.

She watched him fall over himself to catch the oblivious redhead's eye. He did. She gave him every little bit of attention she had and something in Becca's empty gut twisted into a knot at the sight of it.

Hey eyes warmed with tears, blurring the scene in front of her. She blinked them back. It must have been the cold.

But Becca knew better.


	2. Fire and Ice

**Author's note: Hey, guys, another update for you! I forgot to mention in the first post that these one-shots will be set after the end of Wish You Were Eyre, in the girls' Junior year at Alcott.**

**FIRE & ICE **

**Summary: Megan and Becca were always the best of friends. Except for when they weren't. **

Becca pushed a lump of water mashed potatoes around her styrofoam plate. Her head tipped down, terribly concentrated on trying to look like she wasn't concentrated on anything at all. A curtain of glossy blond hair fell over her shoulder. Her brand new top that made her look at least eighteen hung on her hunched-over form. She hoped she looked pretty today.

Prettier than Megan.

_Stop. Stop that right now. Megan is your best friend. _

The cafeteria was buzzing with the usual sounds of a Wednesday afternoon, laughter and chatter and the clanking of trays. Alcott High didn't stop for anyone. Certainly not for Becca Chadwick, who now-a-days was the physical embodiment of the term "used to be". She could scream and stomp and even, God forbid, cry, and the world would keep on turning because that's the way it is.

Beside her, Cassidy let out a snort. She never knew how to laugh. Becca did. Her lady-like, bell-chime laugh was something she took pride in. Something she did better than Cassidy Sloane, on a list accompanying maybe three other things. She continued pushing potatoes.

"Chadwick!"

It was Third. Becca tried not to roll her eyes.

"Why so low?" He asked, leaning on his elbows across from her.

She shrugged. "Tired, I guess."

"But you fell asleep at eight PM last night, remember? We were texting and-"

"I remember, Third, geez." She snapped. Seeing the wounded expression he adopted, she recoiled. "Look, just leave me alone, okay? I don't need to be comforted."

Third left her alone. He turned to Megan, angling for her attention by telling his dumb jokes. Megan gave him a half-hearted chuckle before returning to her conversation with Emma Hawthorne and Zach Norton.

Megan must have been used to it. People had loved her since they were in elementary school. They were Megan and Becca, the sweet one and the bitter one. Sugar and spice. Night and day. Sun and rain. Fire and ice. If opposites attract, it makes sense that they were attached at the hip. Back in the fab-four days, people always said Megan was the nice one. The one who was so much better than the other snobs. They still do, long after they had abandoned that little clique.

After they finished saying that, they usually commented that Becca was just jealous of all her sucess. They were wrong. Every last one of them. They were all wrong about her.

Jealous was the wrong word. Hurt? Yes. Forgotten? Yes. Lonely? Tragically so. People can only put you in the role of a girl made of stone before that's all you know how to be. She just got used to it. Accepted it.

She didn't want Megan's life. She could keep her glittery dresses and picture-perfect family and fuzzy personality. Becca just wanted an equivalent. Something that could be _her _pefection, even if it was crooked and dented.

A flash-back of one their _big _fights ran through her mind; the misunderstanding followed by a silent treatment, even an "I hate you" thrown in for good measure. After it all, her best friend hadn't kept in touch with the captain's son. Perhaps it was best. Her heart was still signed, sealed, and delivered to Simon Berkely thousands of miles away.

_Shut up, Becca. You know you didn't want it to work out between them so you could play off the rebound and finally have something Megan Wong didn't. You weren't looking out for her. You were jealous. _

Stop. Stop thinking like this! What's gotten into you?!

Becca took a deep breath. In for ten. She held it for three. Out for ten. She wasn't a bad person. She didn't know why thoughts like that crept into her mind every now and then.

Lunch ended before she had eaten a single bite. She didn't eat much anymore. But it rarely bothered her. She was used to it.

Fifth period was Intermediate Writing with Mrs. Forrester. Becca sat in the front row and arranged her pencils so they were straight on the corner of her desk. The sound of Megan chatting with some girls in the back of the classroom floated up to her ears. A part of her wanted to get up and try to join the conversation. Another part of her knew she probably wouldn't be welcomed. She wasn't jealous. She was lonely. That's all.

Mrs. Forrester adjusted her headband, corralling a mane of thick, frizzy red hair. The first time she saw her, Becca's first thought was that she looked like a hybrid of Emma and Cassidy. The teacher cleared her throat and turned to the chalkboard. In messy script, she wrote the day's assignment. Mrs. Forrest never liked to talk much. Becca reasoned that was why she chose to be a high school intermediate writing teacher.

_Compose a three paragraph description of a common story or fable told from a different point of view than the main character's. Good luck and happy writing! _

Becca only had to think for a few minutes before her pen hit her journal with unnatural speed. She gripped it tightly as she let the thoughts translate themselves onto the college-ruled lines.

_Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Cinderella, who was the kindest and most beautiful girl in the land. Then there was her step-sister, Rebecca... _


	3. Enough

**A/N: Hello dear readers, thanks for the continued support! Another update for you, a rather quick one. Yay! **

**This is *most likely* going to be the Theo/Becca chapter, though the pairing might be featured in future installments. It's going to be longer, since the previous ones where kind of just drabbles, and this is an actual narration of an event. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Becca was sitting at her kitchen table scribbling down answers to her algebra homework, clad in her pajama boxers and a tank top when the doorbell rang. She was standing up and groaning, "I got it!" When it rang the second time. When it rand the third time, she was irritated and unlocking the door.

As it swung open, Becca stood face-to-face with a particularly nice face she hadn't seen in months. "Theo."

He grinned. "Nice to see you, too, Becca."

It was funny. She wasn't nearly as excited to once again meet with her brief object of affections than she's predicted she'd be. She had envisioned a sentimental reunion in which they would both realize they could never again be seperated like they had been previously. She hadn't pictured standing on her porch, inappropriately dressed and freezing, with this boy who both hadn't changed one bit and all too much at the same time. Something in her wanted to slam the door and turn around and wait to see if he'd stay.

But, then again, she knew he wouldn't. Sure, he would have waited for a girl like Jess or Megan. Becca was replacable. So she decided not to give him a reason to learn that. "What are you doing in Concord?"

"Visiting. Nannie Frannie came down, and I tagged along. I wanted to see you." He said.

_Without even a word of warning? Without a word of _anything?

"Oh." Becca nodded, "Well, do you want to come inside? I'm freezing out here."

"Probably 'cuz you're wearing shorts in the winter in New England." Theo reasoned.

The blond tried not to blush, seeing as he clearly noticed how underdressed she was. She didn't say anything, but responded by holding the door open for her not-close-enough-to-be-a-boyfriend-and-too-close-t o-be-a-friend.

"Mom! I have a friend over! Please stay wherever you are!" She called into the house. There was no response. She guessed that was a good thing.

Theo sat at the kitchen table while Becca fetched herself a glass of tea. His eyes swept over the papers scattered on the surface. "You take algebra?"

"Yeah."

"Lucky you. Never take trig."

Becca faked a laugh. "I wasn't really planning on it." She slipped into the chair across from Theo. "It's basic classes all the way for me."

Theo didn't have to fake a laugh, because in his nice little world, it didn't matter that he had essentially deleted this girl from his life and it didn't matter that he had just showed up on her doorstep without so much as a text. He laughed because he could.

Becca took a sip of her tea. "So... anything new with you?"

"Not really, actually. Pretty uneventful back home."

"Still playing basketball."

"Yeah. Still cheerleading?"

"Yeah."

"How's your grandmother?"

"Oh, she's doing well."

"And your brother?"

"Aside from the fact that he's growing up faster than dandelions, he's doing fine."

Becca cracked a half-grin, the kind that was barely there. Theo had grown, too. He was a good inch taller since she'd last seen him. Maybe even cuter, if that was possible. That was part of the reason why she wasn't about to ruin this one visit by asking, "oh, and I was just wondering why you lead me on then froze me out?". He probably just lost her number. Or maybe he was just busy.

She knew better than anyone that, at least when it came to her, the phrase was truly "Out of sight; out of mind." Becca knew this boy couldn't possibly do much thinking about her when he didn't have to. So if she wanted something to work out for once, she was going to have to make a move herself.

The blond downed the last of her tea and turned to Theo. "We should go somewhere today."

* * *

"You sure you're okay over there?" Becca called to Theo. Her arms out at each side to balance herself, she glided gracefully across the glassy surface of the skating rink. Backwards, actually, making it even more impressive.

Theo probably would have noticed her backwards gliding skills and been quite impressed, had he not been currently chopping up the ice with his awkward and abrupt movements. "Yeah, I'm doing just grand!"

Becce gave a small laugh, and skated over to him. She grabbed his arms, steadying him. "Better?"

"Much."

She was about to go when his hand slipped into hers, fitting like her favorite old pair of sneakers. Soft and comfortable and _right. _Becca felt the heat rising in her cheeks, but she didn't back down. "Here," she carefully extended her right leg, then the left. "In a 'V' shape. Out, lift, out, lift. Just... float."

"Float?" Theo chuckled, attempting to take her advice.

"Yeah. Float. Don't think about it so much. Just... do it."

_You're one to talk, Rebecca Chadwick. You're the queen of over-thinking. _

"Okay." He was getting it. Of course, he couldn't match Becca's year of sixteen Concord winters' expirence.

Around them, teenagers swirled about the rink, carried by the snow-white ice below them like a glossy cloud. She didn't like to admit it, but she loved it here. It felt like flying. But skating was Cassidy's and Emma's forte. After all, she never got any further than just gliding and the occasional self-taught leap.

The duo continued in wide circles around the circumference of the area, sticking close to the barriers separating the ice from the bleachers for some support. Every few seconds, Becca would look over at her cohort and the knot in her stomach would tighten. She wanted to ask him. She hated this feeling of ambiguity between them. It was killing her bubble, which, today was happy. It was still closed though. Even the brightest of bubbles can't risk being popped.

Twenty minutes later, Becca was unlacing her skates and slipping into a pair of boots, wriggling her toes.

"I never knew you were such a good ice skater." Theo commented as he did the same.

The blond shrugged humbly. "It's in the Concord blood." `

There was an uncomfortable silence during the moments that followed. Becca knew that now was her only chance. She tried to make her voice as relaxed as possible, though it proved difficult. "Hey, Theo? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"When I was leaving, you kind of made it feel like were were going to, you know, try and be something. And it sounds stupid and petty but you never even called, Theo. No 'Hey Becca, how's life?' You didn't even tell me you were coming to town. You just showed up on my doorstep."

"Becca..." His tone was pained. But not contrite. "I had a great time today. Honestly. You're an amazing girl. But I think there's something I need to tell you."

She braced herself. _Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry. _

"I sort of have a girlfriend. Back home."

Becca thought the worst of kind of sad was the kind that wasn't allowed to be that way. The kind of sad that just has to put on a smile and say "I'm happy for you!" when all it wants to do is weep until her head pounded. And that feeling was far too familiar to her; like an old friend that stopped by often and loved pointing out everything in her life that had gone wrong.

They could now add Theo Rochester to the growing list.

She looked into his brown eyes and couldn't find it in herself to be angry with him. The only object of her fury was herself. Becca's chest rose and fell rapidly as she watched her heart bend before it broke. "What?" She whispered.

"You were just so far away..."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Her voice rose with every word escaping from her trembling mouth. Becca blinked back tears. She should have learned by now that nothing ever goes the way she planned.

"I didn't want to hurt you." Theo stated

"And you thought _this _would hurt any less!" Becca tilted her head back. "God, I'm so tired of this happening to me!"

The entire warming room was watching by now. Theo sank down, trying to convey that he wasn't the reason for this.

"I'm really sorry, Bec."

The girl shook her head. Her bottom lip shook as she spoke, "It's a little bit funny, honestly. Everyone gets their happy ending except for me. Everyone. All I get is a couple days of happiness then it's yanked out from under me. Like clock-work."

Theo didn't know what to say. He wasn't used to seeing her like this. No one was, actually. She was strong, invincible, unbreakable Becca Chadwick.

She took a quivering breath and leaned over in defeat. "Wow. So I was pretty much nothing to you, huh?"

"That's not true."

"It is. You don't have to surgar-coat this. I'm pretty used to this kind of thing. Don't worry about me." Becca rose and gave Theo a weak smile. "I hope you're happy." She didn't mean in a sarcastic way, not at all. She was sincere; she did want him to be happy. And she knew he wouldn't be with her. "Bye, Theo. Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?"

"Because I really did love what we had. Even if it wasn't exactly real."

Unable to hold it together for another second, she turned and walked away without a single glance back. She didn't stop until she arrived at the empty Women's Room and steered herself into a stall.

Becca stepped out of her own heart and tried to minimize the impact. She leaned against the divider and choked out a series of sobs, sniffling and wiping her nose with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

_Just like always. Never good enough. Never pretty enough. Never smart enough. Never talented enough. Never kind enough. _

_Never. Ever. Enough. _


End file.
